I feel really shitty as I write this...I have been walking around with a serious 'sura ya pr' for a month now. I have become rebellious towards everyone including myself. I have lost myself in my gazillion problems…they are not exactly problems…they are things I never pictured myself going through. I can no longer fight them. I have huge urges to do bad things to people and to myself. I have been avoiding my closest friends so as to protect them from the hurt I could cause to them.
In this period, everyday is worse...I know not many people care but the ones who do can tell I’m not really myself. I am losing grip of who I really am.
This past weekend I almost broke my bedroom door out of anger and I ended up doing much worse than that. SHIT HIT THE FAN!
I could die right about now and just so that I can be. I'm no longer who I used to be. I lost my joy a long time ago and I cannot seem to find it. I keep telling myself if I retrace my steps I will find myself. But me retracing has also regressed 'me'. I put ‘me’ in quotes because I really no longer know who 'I' really am.
I no longer feel secure in all the people I used to. I no longer care about my actions. I've become rebellious in a way I cannot fathom. I do things putting on a face so that no one really knows what I'm going through.
This is emotional torture...fighting with myself to find myself. Does it really make sense. It has reached a point where anything goes...anything. I can no longer talk to God without feeling how pointless that is. I know He is not proud of me and my recent actions.
I want to say I'm sorry but I'm not sure if that's me speaking or 'the new me'.
Today I'm going to pay for my actions. It will lead to a humongous heartbreak and a possibility of me hibernating from myself even more.
The one person I thought I could find security in, has failed me and today I come clean.
I will not blame anyone for what is happening. I chose to bear all the burdens and consequences that come with it.
Toda, I come clean with all the emotions I have protected everyone from then maybe they will understand my recent actions. Today I bring down my ‘sura ya pr’.
I'm really sorry I had to leave but I’ll try to come back. For now, please let me go if you must…
In this period, everyday is worse...I know not many people care but the ones who do can tell I’m not really myself. I am losing grip of who I really am.
This past weekend I almost broke my bedroom door out of anger and I ended up doing much worse than that. SHIT HIT THE FAN!
I could die right about now and just so that I can be. I'm no longer who I used to be. I lost my joy a long time ago and I cannot seem to find it. I keep telling myself if I retrace my steps I will find myself. But me retracing has also regressed 'me'. I put ‘me’ in quotes because I really no longer know who 'I' really am.
I no longer feel secure in all the people I used to. I no longer care about my actions. I've become rebellious in a way I cannot fathom. I do things putting on a face so that no one really knows what I'm going through.
This is emotional torture...fighting with myself to find myself. Does it really make sense. It has reached a point where anything goes...anything. I can no longer talk to God without feeling how pointless that is. I know He is not proud of me and my recent actions.
I want to say I'm sorry but I'm not sure if that's me speaking or 'the new me'.
Today I'm going to pay for my actions. It will lead to a humongous heartbreak and a possibility of me hibernating from myself even more.
The one person I thought I could find security in, has failed me and today I come clean.
I will not blame anyone for what is happening. I chose to bear all the burdens and consequences that come with it.
Toda, I come clean with all the emotions I have protected everyone from then maybe they will understand my recent actions. Today I bring down my ‘sura ya pr’.
I'm really sorry I had to leave but I’ll try to come back. For now, please let me go if you must…